Self-Sabotage Series: PART 1 WHY DO WE REALLY GET IN OUR OWN WAY?

By Dr. Rachel White PhD LMFT

We’ve all had moments where we feel like we’re working against ourselves—whether it’s procrastinating on goals, ghosting someone we care about, or giving up just when things start going well. This frustrating pattern is called self-sabotage, and while it can feel like a mystery, psychology tells us it often stems from something very familiar: fear.

Self-sabotage is our brain’s clumsy attempt to keep us safe. Clinical research shows that when we grow up in unpredictable environments, our nervous systems can become wired for survival, not success. A 2017 study published in Clinical Psychology Review found that individuals with unresolved trauma or attachment disruptions are significantly more likely to engage in self-defeating behaviors—even when they consciously want the opposite.

So how does it show up? Sometimes it’s perfectionism that paralyzes you. Other times, it’s chronic indecision, starting conflicts before things get too close, or avoiding feedback at work. Self-sabotage isn’t about laziness—it’s about a deep-seated fear of failure, success, or vulnerability. Left unaddressed, these patterns can erode self-confidence and keep us stuck in cycles of disappointment.

The good news? You can interrupt the cycle. The first step is getting curious instead of judgmental. In therapy, we help people unpack the “why” behind their behaviors, so they can finally start showing up differently in life—and for themselves.

If you’re tired of feeling stuck, our therapists at Restoration Psychological Services are here to help. We offer specialists with diverse training, a wide range of rates, and flexible scheduling—including evenings and weekends.