PEOPLE-PLEASING SERIES - PART III

PART III - HEALING RELATIONSHIPS AFTER PEOPLE-PLEASING

BY DR RACHEL WHITE LMFT

You’ve learned what people-pleasing is and how to begin shifting out of it. Now let’s look at something deeper: how it affects your relationships. Most people-pleasers are motivated by a desire for connection. Ironically, the very behavior meant to strengthen relationships often leaves them feeling resentful, emotionally distant, or unseen. So, what happens when we start showing up differently?

When you constantly edit yourself to avoid conflict, you’re not giving others the chance to know the real you. Over time, this creates imbalance. You may attract people who take more than they give or find yourself locked in codependent dynamics. In romantic relationships, people-pleasing can look like deferring to your partner’s opinions, suppressing your needs, or avoiding hard conversations. According to a 2021 study in Family Process, people who identify as chronic accommodators report significantly lower relationship satisfaction over time—not because they’re “too nice,” but because their relationships lack mutuality.

Real intimacy requires vulnerability, and vulnerability can’t happen without authenticity. When you begin setting boundaries, speaking your truth, and expressing needs clearly, relationships shift. Some grow stronger, because now they’re built on honesty and mutual respect. Others may fade—especially if they relied on you always saying yes. As painful as that can be, it opens the door for healthier, more reciprocal connections to take their place.

The key to repairing relationships affected by people-pleasing isn’t perfection—it’s intention. Start having small, honest conversations. You might say, “I’m working on being more honest about what I need, even when it feels uncomfortable. I care about this relationship and want it to feel more balanced.” These are brave, relationship-changing words. In many cases, people around you will rise to meet your authenticity with their own.

If you're ready to explore how these changes can transform your relationships, therapy is an incredibly supportive place to begin.

At Restoration Psychological Services, we offer experienced, compassionate therapists with diverse specialties—whether you’re navigating relationship stress, anxiety, trauma, or life transitions. With flexible rates and availability on weekdays, evenings, and weekends, we're here to meet you where you are. Click below to schedule and start building relationships that actually feel good—for you too.